As you might’ve noticed, we’ve changed a few things around here. I’ve changed the scheme a little bit color wise and I’ve added a new headed image, created for me by my talented friend and collaborator Brian Mitchell. Please visit his web store to check out some more of his work and for contact information!
I should start by apologizing for the lengthy absence I’ve taken but maybe that gives me an opportunity, albeit brief, to impart some wisdom before I get into the meat of what I want to say today.
Life is weird. I’m not exactly shedding light on any new ground there, for sure, but it’s a journey. We can get ourselves onto tremendous highs, lengthy plateaus, and deep lows, all within the series of months, weeks, days… Hell, seconds. Earlier this year, I’d say that I was finally reaching some highs. I got myself clean (again – and holding), found a solid relationship, friendships were good, I was creatively fulfilled… I can’t say that there was any one specific thing that wasn’t going the way I wanted it to. I’ve often found that those moments of peace and tranquility are where it falls apart but, this time, it didn’t. I was in a good place for quite awhile.
So, fast forward a few months, and I’m pretty much miserable, right? I hide it well, unless you’re one of my very close friends, but I’m generally a drag to be around or associate with. I try not to be but I find it hard to be anything but. I’m still clean, thankfully, for maybe the longest I have been in years, but otherwise, everything else has fallen apart.Without getting into particulars, I have been feeling horribly, horribly alone. I’ve lost relationships and friendships over the past several months, live by myself and don’t generally go places… Where others in this situation would choose to get themselves out to do things and break from the malaise, I’ve chosen isolation. It’s only been the past week or so that I’ve just driven myself to pull out of it. And that’s what brings me here.
Like any journey, the road has many exits and you often know where you want to go but get lost along the way, right? This is my last detour, it has to be. Isolation isn’t healthy, or rewarding, and will only serve to send you further into a spiral. I’m choosing a different exit (to continue the dorky driving analogy.)
So, if you’re in the same boat I am/was, let’s try it together. Challenge yourself, don’t rely on others pushing you, it’ll only build resentment. It has to begin at home. Here’s a small sample of what I’ve been pouring myself into the past week or two, a new web series concept that I’m calling “Quarterlife.” I hope to start getting some people together for a table read of sorts in the next few days and MAYBE film this pilot in the next month or so. I have other projects in the pipeline but this is what I wanted to share today because… Maybe my shitty, rambling, too many words story of months of depression can help someone else see there’s a channel for that energy. Find your channel, share it with the world.
Moving forward, plans for the site for this week! After a rough week last week, Monday my review for “Suicide Squad” will hit at 6 a.m., look forward to an article from me this week where I analyze whether “Man of Steel” was intended to be a universe starter for DC or not, and a potential guest/permanent second writer coming on board at The DoorMatt Review! Stay with me, I promise we are only just getting started!
So, DMR, where did it come from? Good question. As some know, I am a filmmaker, podcast host (past and present), and overall just enjoy creative endeavors. Without a creative outlet, I feel somewhat hollow, and if I’m being completely honest with myself, I’ve felt really hollow lately. Personal fulfillment can be a really funny, fickle thing; you spend a lot of time chasing it, find it, lose it, find it again, lose it again, and then can’t even remember how you found it in the first place, all in the blink of an eye. That’s where I’ve found myself lately, struggling to figure out where I fit personally, professionally, and, on a smaller scale, creatively. If I can impart any advice to someone in a similar situation though it’s to rely on your support network, which I should’ve done far, far sooner.
That’s where Rob Dimension comes in. You can find Rob at his personal site, on youtube, and twitter, among many other places. Getting back to the point, Rob Dimension is many things to me. Rob is a partner; Rob, his wife Kim, and I have worked on two short films (Boob Tube, below, and Mortimor Tromblay) together, we’ve done freelance production work together, and have I have appeared as a collaborator with him on Rob Dimension’s Shock N’ Wrestling Podcast. Rob is a great friend; many times I have come to Rob with personal issues and he’s made time and an effort to help me better my situation, even when I haven’t deserved that. What might go most unmentioned though is that Rob is a mentor to me. I look at his overall positive attitude and devotion to creating original content as something to strive towards and admire. Often I’ve wondered how he does it and have honestly questioned whether I could or not.
Over the past few months, I’ve considered many ideas for tackling my creative side again. I’ve considered a gaming channel on youtube; starting a new web series as a sole producer; a few new podcast ventures, and a few other random ideas. The podcast has come to fruition, as I am currently co-hosting The Deep Six Podcast with Steven and Dan Spevak and may have another side project in the works and the launch of a youtube channel may still come. Maybe as a whimsical, final afterthought, I considered starting my own blog. During a recent conversation with Rob, though, I actually voiced the opinion that starting a blog might be a waste of time because, really, who gives a crap what Matt Barnes has to add to the internet? True to positive form, Rob challenged me to just go for it, and stop making excuses. He recently added something online that struck a chord with me:
And that’s what I’ve done, no more excuses; The DoorMatt Review was born. I’ve stopped worrying, as it were, and decided it’s time to do something, rather than think about something. For as much as this has turned into an ode to the person who motivated me to get off my ass and get moving (and I promise, it’s not as much of a love letter as it sounds), it’s a personal journey in words that I’m sharing with you before we get this thing started in proper. Because, really, to take me seriously, shouldn’t you know where I’m coming from, or what brought me here?
Hopefully this created a picture of me as a person that you can remember for all those times that you’re going to hate me in the future, when I trash your favorite team, or tell you that the movie you’ve been waiting months for is a dumpster fire committed to celluloid (or digital bandwidth, let’s be fair). I can promise you one thing; I’ll never sugarcoat anything. I’ll practice as much positivity as my craft will allow and I’ll always be honest. The people who expect great things from me would expect nothing less. Thanks for following me on my journey, let’s get this started.