Where I’ve Been…

IMG129I should start by apologizing for the lengthy absence I’ve taken but maybe that gives me an opportunity, albeit brief, to impart some wisdom before I get into the meat of what I want to say today.

Life is weird. I’m not exactly shedding light on any new ground there, for sure, but it’s a journey. We can get ourselves onto tremendous highs, lengthy plateaus, and deep lows, all within the series of months, weeks, days… Hell, seconds. Earlier this year, I’d say that I was finally reaching some highs. I got myself clean (again – and holding), found a solid relationship, friendships were good, I was creatively fulfilled… I can’t say that there was any one specific thing that wasn’t going the way I wanted it to. I’ve often found that those moments of peace and tranquility are where it falls apart but, this time, it didn’t. I was in a good place for quite awhile.

So, fast forward a few months, and I’m pretty much miserable, right? I hide it well, unless you’re one of my very close friends, but I’m generally a drag to be around or associate with. I try not to be but I find it hard to be anything but. I’m still clean, thankfully, for maybe the longest I have been in years, but otherwise, everything else has fallen apart.Without getting into particulars, I have been feeling horribly, horribly alone. I’ve lost relationships and friendships over the past several months, live by myself and don’t generally go places… Where others in this situation would choose to get themselves out to do things and break from the malaise, I’ve chosen isolation. It’s only been the past week or so that I’ve just driven myself to pull out of it. And that’s what brings me here.

Like any journey, the road has many exits and you often know where you want to go but get lost along the way, right? This is my last detour, it has to be. Isolation isn’t healthy, or rewarding, and will only serve to send you further into a spiral. I’m choosing a different exit (to continue the dorky driving analogy.)

So, if you’re in the same boat I am/was, let’s try it together. Challenge yourself, don’t rely on others pushing you, it’ll only build resentment. It has to begin at home. Here’s a small sample of what I’ve been pouring myself into the past week or two, a new web series concept that I’m calling “Quarterlife.” I hope to start getting some people together for a table read of sorts in the next few days and MAYBE film this pilot in the next month or so. I have other projects in the pipeline but this is what I wanted to share today because… Maybe my shitty, rambling, too many words story of months of depression can help someone else see there’s a channel for that energy. Find your channel, share it with the world.

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